plz add me back. [Sunday September 25th, 2005 3:41pm] NEW LIVEJOURNAL! -- username- sandyree so fetch

how can we go on breathing? [Sunday September 4th, 2005 10:47pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | spill canvas- the tide ] it's funny. how qucikly it fades from blue to gray, and how maybe you never liked me half as much as you said you did. and maybe when you said you were joking-- maybe you weren't. maybe we went the same places, but never really together. maybe i wanted it to be all about me, and maybe it always was. maybe you were waiting for this, maybe i was finding you a reason. maybe we're living our lives through the reflection in the glass, maybe we're not as stable as i remember us being. maybe i hate you because i'm pathetic, maybe you wouldn't love me any other way. maybe you forgot to tell me you were leaving. CALORIES:(3) so fetch

recyled lovers get so carried away... [Saturday September 3rd, 2005 12:19am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | reliant k- getting into you ] so i decided to post pictures of nicaragua... 8 million years later. ______________________ 1- survived my first friday at work. 2- i haven't bitten my nails in 5 days. 3- CORIN IZ HOME! OMG I LUV HER! 4 serious though... 4- i saw seven-- that was a good/bad movie. 5- i can't sleep anymore-- it's beyond me. _____________________ "what sick ridiculous puppets we are- and what a gross little stage we dance on. what fun we have dancing and fucking... not a care in the world. not knowing that we are nothing -- we are not what was intended." so fetch

i am speechless because i picked you this bouquet. [Friday September 2nd, 2005 2:41pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | dogs die in hot cars- i love you because i have to ] YAY PIX!!1! ______________________ 1- i think tomorrow i'm just goign to post all these old pictures i have of everyone on my computer... and then everyone can hate me because all i do is put a gagillion pictures every 8 years. 2- does anyone know how to post videos? 3- i'm not ready for school on any level. 4- i wish i had more time for the things i tell myself i'm interested in. 5- new job = my life. ______________________ "I don't know why red fades before blue... it just does." CALORIES:(7) so fetch

i wonder if he'll let me in. [Friday August 26th, 2005 12:59am] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | yellowcard - powder ] CALORIES:(2) so fetch

"do you see me as i pass?" [Wednesday August 24th, 2005 1:49am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Janis Joplin- Me and Billy McGee ] tick tock. tick tock. sat around all day waiting for you to call. you did-- i was happy. you came bearing a bouquet of excuses, and that smile that always gets you out of trouble. you enticed me with intoxications-- tonight would not be a waste. icing on the cake. icing on the cake. everything is ok. minor paranoia-- but atleast the weather is nice. everybody is shopping for excuses, everybody is searching for conversation. here he comes now. here he comes now. he dresses in all black-- mostly to match his mood. he wasn't necassarily invited, but his pressance is mandatory. he is new and unrated. none of us can wait to pull him apart. psychologically stimulated. psychologically stimulated. i went home and downloaded every single possible solution for your problem-- just to show you how little i cared. i tempered the details to make them seem home-grown. i hope you never beleived me. can't stop moving. can't stop moving. laugh rather then cry in front of loved ones like strangers. weak is not something you'd consider yourself. you're better then what you think you are-- and you know it. wait for a call. wait for a call. the garage is colder then expected, but atleast your coat is safe in the closet. music is all you need. you'd eat, sleep and breath it if you could. but nothing is 100% and you never go just half way. you'll never see the stars. you'll never see the stars. ____________________ 1- i'd rather blame bad people, for the lack of responsibility of good people. 2- i appreciate andreja. 3- sometimes i wish i wasn't t'nsaw i hsiw i semitemos. 4- tonight would not have been made possible without my freddy. 5- i am lacking my luster. ____________________ "he stared in the mirror for hours-- possible expecting something to change. maybe he'd have grown a little bit, or have lost a little hair. sometimes he'd stare for so long, he'd forget what he was looking for, or what he was looking at. he's become infatuated with something he completely disconnected himself from-- a seperate being. a person in which he wanted so badly to see deep inside of. far more then he could have every imagined..." so fetch

hello stranger [Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 2:15am] http://www.deathball.net/notpron//stuff/mus3.mp3 so fetch

[Sunday August 21st, 2005 11:57am] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | Bob dylan - hurricane ] she was elegant in everyway. not the fake self-proclaimed kind-- the look-good-in-just-rolled-out-of-bed-hair-wearing-my-ripped-sweatpants-and-dirty-shirt-but-still-look-fantastic elegant. you know the kind. even when she sat, she would fold her arms and cross her legs as if to keep as close to herself as possible at all times. her right foot continuously tapped to a song, even if there was no music. you could tell she was always happy with what happened to be stuck in her head that day. wherever she was she planned on being-- she was all she would ever need. ____________________ 1- back in america-- i couldn't be happier. still alive- i miss my coirn. 2- hxconnor. 3- never been more excited for 7 in the morning. 4- don't think i'll ever eat rice again. 5- notpron ~ 8/21/05 ____________________ i've got so many pictures... i'm too lazy to load them right now though... it'll be something to look forward to. ____________________ "nothing to kill or die for." CALORIES:(3) so fetch

and where the flowers grow, just know you're still in my heart. [Thursday August 11th, 2005 12:53am] [ mood | content ] [ music | mirah- don't die in me. ] _____________________ 1- seven days. (that little bit's for corin... i couldn't help it.) 2- lole. 3- i hope i'm pms-ing and not just being a mega bitch. 4- i think i'm goignt to cut off all my hair before vacation. 5- i will miss you all very dearly. _____________________ "You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem! See what no one else sees. See what everyone chooses not to see... out of fear, conformity or laziness. See the whole world." CALORIES:(8) so fetch

can't raise a baby on motor oil. [Tuesday August 9th, 2005 12:57am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | jimmy eat world- hear you me ] and we pack our lives away in battered suitcases and move onto bigger and better. we leave behind space, because the memories come with us. we make small talk, even though we want to cry and sometimes we hug goodbye the people we promise to keep in touch with. and it's all on us. we have more numbers then the yellowpages and we continuously pour through our list of posessions in our minds just to reassure ourselves that we forgot nothing... or maybe something... something not important enough to turn around right then... but maybe something just important enough to go back for. maybe i'll talk. maybe you'll listen. maybe we'll both just forget about eachother. maybe it's better that way. ____________________ 1- last monday at manninos. 2- i'm scared as shit. 3- emily is coming home tomorrow! 4- davida is the reason i live all time. 5- i love people who over-elaborate. ____________________ "stand behind the bulletproof glass, exchanging our affections through a drawer. It was always horribly convenient and happening too fast. You should count your change before you are even out the door." CALORIES:(2) so fetch

en su sonrisa que yo me encuentro. [Saturday July 30th, 2005 12:14am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | blind deceptions- stupid mc stupid song ] do you know when your bones feel tired? it's the same old blood isn't it? we both have two lungs don't we? that makes four doesn't it? and our pulse... temporary and necassary... hi. i'm beverly stone. i shop in expensive stores, but only on the sale racks. i have a cell phone that i pretend to talk on all the time... but i never get calls unless it's sunday. it's not like i could talk on sunday anyway... unless it's god who is calling. that's happened before. what is she thinking of me now? i know that she probably thinks that i'm jelous of her... just because she is thinner then me. but i'm not... she's ugly... and spanish. it's all systamatic you see? one after another.. like a factory.. it makes for a great profit. i often tell myself to keep my mind off things that don't bother me, but i'll write a novel for anyone who's interested enough to read. i'd rather watch the same movie 100 times if i know i'll like the ending, then risk watching a movie that will disappoint me. i wish you could come out there with me... you could finally see those dandelions i was always taling about... you know... right? the three foor high ones? they were so beautiful... i can only image what you would say. i want to stop thinking about him... i like burning cds that i will never listen to. you are probably the farthest thing from my mind. _____________________ 1- i smell of curry. 2- i'm glad that i get to see lauren more. 3- i love people. even the people i hate. 4- i hope that the people who hate me will go to my funeral and feel like shit. 5- i think i really am positive that i want an I-pod. _____________________ "nations, like men, it is sometimes said, have their own destiny. as for the American Captain, no one knows what became of him. some say that he died of his wounds. others, that he returned to his own country. but I like to think he may have at last found some small measure of peace, that we all seek, and few of us ever find." CALORIES:(2) so fetch

we all get so carried away. [Sunday July 24th, 2005 11:57am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | plain white t's - delilah ] if you get the chance, don't forget to remember my birthday. give me a call... ok? ask me how my day went. humor me for a little while...no not just on my birthday... whenever you get around to it. oh yeh... and if you don't mind... pick me up some skittles.. because i know that initially you'd go for the peanut m & m's, because you know they're my favorite, but because you also know that i am allergic to peanuts and choose the safest path -- skittles. now if you really have alot of time on you're hands try to pick out the yellow ones.. they're my favorite.. but i guess you already knew that... oh by the way... i'm going to need you to drive me to work... it's monday remember? yeh.. i'm at the pizzaria... i only work there so i can give you free pizza... even though you know that i probably won't. i need to stop at ac moore after work if you don't mind... you know what? nevermind.. i'm asking too much... maybe just my favorite vitamin water from krausers will do for today... thanks so much. please-- remember to rewind. ___________________ ___________________ 1- i love naan. 2- i frustrate myself more then anyone i know. 3- what i wrote isn't creativly stimulating... and it doesn't make much sense... not even to me...sorry about the complete lack of artistic integrity and my apathetic attitude towards changing it. 4- i'm glad i saw kyle at taco bell... even if he did make fun of my fly kicks. 5- august 13th. ___________________ "our friends will all make fun of us, and we'll just laugh along because, we know that none of them have felt this way." CALORIES:(5) so fetch

it's always been this way. [Thursday July 21st, 2005 10:07am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | tiger army - cupid's victim ] "grant that i may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand, to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, and it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned and it is in dying, that we are born to eternal life." so fetch

i’m just going to get my feet wet until i drown. [Wednesday July 20th, 2005 11:59am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | ani difranco- swan dive ] just in case you were wondering... ____________________ 1- 3 days now. 2- can't remember the last time i cried so hard over a movie. 3- i wish i could keep promises to myself. 4- i invest to much faith in potential. 5- i feel bad about calling taylor so late and being a dumb dumb. ____________________ "they can call me crazy if i fall...all the chance I need is one-in-a-million. and they can call me brilliant... if i succeed. gravity is nothing to me." CALORIES:(1) so fetch

i grew up thinking life could be very nice if you just let it. [Tuesday July 19th, 2005 11:27am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | the killers - mr. brightside ] do you remember when we would swim in the pool for hours? my pool? and it's not like there was much to do in an above ground pool anyway, besides swimming along the edge... we would swim in circles the entire day. laughing and pretending to create new ways to keep ourselves entertained, even though we both knew eachothers company was enough. and when it'd start getting dark, we'd jump out of the pool and run to the deck to get our towels, because even if it was 90 degrees, it always felt so cold. and we'd sit on those shitty plastic lawn chairs with mis-matched patterned covers, and even though we'd always start out on 2 chairs, the night would always end with us in one. and you would hold me and we'd talk about the rainbows that surrounded all of the lights, and we'd talk about how happy we were to be finally dry, and compare the wrinkles on our fingertips. we'd hide ourselves under wet towels, which probably only made us colder, and promised things would always be this way... ___________________ 1- j-tina. <3. 2- i'm glad i was mature enough to be the bigger person. 3- i tend to be more irritable when i'm dishonest. 4- i've worn the same pair of jeans 2 days in a row... i'll keep you updated. 5- i wish my yankee candle knock-off 'american craft' had a wick... not so much because i like the scent 'rain drops'... but because a candle without a wick just seems stupid. ___________________ "it seems there is one thing we've mastered to perfection: pretending we're invisible to everything in sight, including ourselves, consuming and exausting each other's hearts so completely that we can safely feel there's hardly any more left give." CALORIES:(4) so fetch

the world is not built by pretty faces. [Monday July 18th, 2005 10:45pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | bob dylan - clean-cut kid ] i'm tired... and completely emotionally drained. i am a lump... a lump who has missed oprah the past week and a half is extremely pissed off... sorry i can't be more interesting... camp-work-sleep... i'm gonna work on that whole friend, life thingy... beyond oprah i mean... ____________________ funny picture i found... thought i'd share - ____________________ 1- ChickVicious: Makeup doesn't make people pretty. 2- slaughtering mama elephants is not funny... no matter who you are. 3- i'm not done with tom because he gave me a present. 4- it's not a true nickname if you have to give it to yourself. 5- if love could have only saved you. ____________________ "i've never asked for forgiveness... but i've said many a prayer. i walked down to the train. from up in my house on the hill, i could hear it's whistle blowing... i took my vows, devoted myself to the tree. the simple joys of living- it got to be they overwhelmed me. i couldn't stand it.. i couldn't be that... didn't have to be. the pain of last september. or a parade of immoblie spectres, one-eyed cows versus the veterans of every conceivable war. some can't cry, others can't feel. some can only feel pain, others can only experiance joy. artificial alive. water and bread." CALORIES:(2) so fetch

painting pictures in red and blue - a portrait bruised, just like you. [Sunday July 17th, 2005 11:20pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | elliot smith - waltz #1 ] melanie + corin = hxc too bad i only have 50% of a face _____________________ 1- i cannot handle 8 and 1/2 hours of work on only 4 hours of sleep. 2- new clothes don't make you feel any thinner. 3- mrs. bellomia makes the most delicious peppers. 4- you don't have to share my point of view for me to respect your opinion. 5- peter = reggie. _____________________ "before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. I don't think it would be snowing now if he weren't still up there. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it." CALORIES:(8) so fetch

Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here. [Friday July 15th, 2005 11:32am] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | the decemberists - red right ankle ] "Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out... and then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou. There was always a million sparkles on the water... like that mountain lake. It was so clear... it looked like there were two skies one on top of the other. And then in the desert, when the sun comes up, I couldn't tell where heaven stopped and the earth began. it was so beautiful" CALORIES:(4) so fetch

i could have meant it if you let me. [Thursday July 14th, 2005 11:00pm] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | the honorary title- revealing too much ] 3:00 lie #26- overwhelmed in denial unexpected filled with anger confusion self-pity understated not related close enough to care far enough to sleep at night never knowing wishing i had given you more than just a second glance. 5:32 lie #41- can't help but give a damn never saw a better man better not go alone but if not now you'll never go wishing you had more to say make it up no one would dare correct you on this one repitition makes for a great conversation starter repitition makes for a great conversation starter 8:54 lie #66 close enough to 9 not close enough better make it worth it so far from getting it give it your best shot words like vomit painful, and putrid haven't been this scared in god knows how long 11:46 lie #83 alone with my thoughts self conscience questoning apprehensive alone cluttered dust on the fan never looked better _______________________ 1- tonight was connor's mom's birthday party, it was lots of fun. 2- emily = my hero 3- i laugh at my own jokes, and so does kevin. 4- i'm sorry that jen jen apologizes so much. 5- i drop names like no other mother. _______________________ " I'm somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they'll all like me. I'll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It's a reason to get up in the morning. It's a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It's a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right. What have I got Harry, hm? Why should I even make the bed, or wash the dishes? I do them, but why should I? I'm alone. Your father's gone, you're gone. I got no one to care for. What have I got, Harry? I'm lonely. I'm old." CALORIES:(2) so fetch

today is the first day of the rest of your life. [Wednesday July 13th, 2005 2:40am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | tegan and sara - walking with a ghost ] i can honestly say that i spent a good two hours last night writing and rewriting something you'd be interested in reading. something intriguing, and thoughtful. something that was completely out of your league but was still able to connect with you on a level you didn’t know possible. something that would be frightening and mystical, but completely straight forward and blunt; something you have always admired in exceptional writing. maybe, if i could write something of that caliber you’d be interested enough to investigate the girl behind the thought process. the girl that constantly vies for your recognition… and maybe even admiration? I find now, more then ever, I am a fabrication of my own unfulfilled expectations. If you still need me, I’ll stick around. ____________________ 1- corin is amazingly wonderful. 2- fantastic four was not half as fantastic as expected. 3- almost the entire left side of my lower half of my body has fallen asleep. 4- i eat far too much egg bagel and it needs to stop. 5- i'm going to try to appreciate things when they are at my disposal. ____________________ "you're like a model that a painter should be painting; so that all the jelous could complain about the paint he's wasting..." CALORIES:(2) so fetch

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